You were always My Love
by TwilightCrazyx
Summary: What if Bella had gone a step too far to hear Edwards voice in New moon, which concluding in a run in with a Vampire. Will she finally be reunited with Edward, or live for eternity in sadness? Rated T just incase.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

Life just isn't worth living anymore. I know i told myself that i would never consider ending my life for charlies sake, but now. Jake doesn't even want me anymore. Charlie and Renee would probally get over it if i died. And _him. _Well, he doesn't love me anymore. He might be upset for an hour or two but nothing that can't be overcome by his distractions. It would be nice if i could see him, for one last time; to smell his sweet breath; to hear his velvet voice. But thats never going to happen. The only place i see him is in an element of danger.

So i started walking. Edward once said - i realised it didnt hurt to think his name anymore, seeing i wouldn't have to live with the pain much longer - that i was a drug to him, but i always thought it was the other way around. I needed to hear him. I carried on walking, not really taking in where i was going. I vagely remember stepping off of Charlie's lawn, but the rest is just a green blur. I was too determined to find Edward.

The moon would be coming up soon, it was twilight. It felt like i had been walking for hours. I stopped. I looked aorund, there were trees everywhere. Darkness had took over the forest. The forest. Thats where i had ended up? Then why wasn't i hearing Edward? This is the one place he told me to never go walking alone.

So my plan had failed. I wouldn't be able to see my love one more time. Yes, that's right. I still love him. How could he ever think i would just forget him. That i would move on. 'It will be as if i never existed', are the words that have haunted me for months. Did he really think that it would be that easy. He must really hate me.

That did it. I broke down and cried, right there in the middle of a forest. How pathetic my life had become. That's when i heard someone approaching. I could here footsteps, faster and faster. I was starting to hyperventilate. I got up and looked around, and thats when i saw it. A beautiful creature with pale, white skin. The creature kept walking forward until it was out of the trees. It was only a metre away now.

"Edward?"

**Hi.. Just thought i'd try it out... i have already got the next four chapters ready .. i'm just seeing what you guys thought of this chapter first...**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

_The creature kept walking forward until it was out of the trees. It was only a metre away now. _

_"Edward?"_

The creature cackled with laughter. "No." Her voice was not Edward. _Her_ voice was almost child-like. She stepped closer and revieled more of her features. Her eyes were crimson red; deathening to look at. She had dark purple bruises under eyes, so i could tell she had not fed in a while. She spoke again.

"Your precious little Edward isn't going to save you this time Bella!" The vampire flipped her head back and her fiery hair whoosed around like a flaming bonfire.

"Victoria!" Oh no. She was right, Edward isn't going to save me this time, no one will. _"Run Bella!" _It wasn't Victoria this time. It was the smooth voice i was looking for. _"Bella!" _So i ran, i ran as fast as my legs could take me. I would do anything that voice told me to do. But wait. Why should i? Hadn't i just been _hoping_ for death to come, to escape from the raging pain i felt deep inside?

I stopped. I turned around and obviously Victoria was stood right beside me with an amused look on her face. "No" i said aloud. I meant it for Edward, to tell him i wasn't going to run, but Victoria took it for her.

"Oh yes, you are going to pay for taking James away from me" Her eyes blazed over with fury, she crouched down into a menacing attack postition and her claws beared ready to attack its long-awaited pray.

"Just get it over with already!" I screeched at her, annoyed with her slow pacing she had began around me. My unshakened voice un-settled her. "So eager to die human?" Victoria said raising an ebrow.

"I couldn't care less" Why was i telling her this? I really am going crazy! "Are you not bothered what this would do to poor Edward?" Edward. Oh Edward. I could imagine his perfect features so clearly in the sight of danger. His beautful, untousled bronze hair. His perfect bone structure and his never-ending topaz eyes. I could of stared into them forever...

"Edward...", I cringed at saying his name out loud, "isn't here anymore" And still i was talking to Victoria like she wasn't about to kill me in the most painful death! "Yes. I can see that, i have been watching you, planning my attack, and i haven't seen dear Edward in months. Did he get bored of you?" She let out another peal of laughter.

"Actually, yes, yes he did!" I said, tears rolling down my face. "What?!" Ha. What was she going to do now, now that she has realised the one thing that she thought would _kill _Edward wouldn't hurt him in the slightest. She began pacing again up and down, up and down. "Are you going to kill me or what!" I whispered trying to control the sobs and the pain from the hole in my chest. She stopped, turned to me and said, "You still love him don't you? Well, if i can't hurt him i can certainly hurt you." Finally. "Don't think i'm going to kill you, oh no, even i can plainly see you are in grave pain from losing him, so i'm not going to kill you, i'm going to let you suffer for the _rest_ of eternity"

My face became still, the sobs stopped and my brain refocused on what Victoria had just said. _i'm going to let you suffer for the rest of eternity._ "No" i said lower than a whisper. She smiled a devilish smile crouched down once again and sprang.

**Hello :) Please review if you want another chapter. I would love some advice or even some ideas that you would like to see in the story :) Please review.. i'd even take critisism so i can make my writing better :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

_My face became still, the sobs stopped and my brain refocused on what Victoria had just said. i'm going to let you suffer for the rest of eternity. "No" i said lower than a whisper. She smiled a devilish smile crouched down once again and sprang. _

The Pain was excrutiating. It was like a huge black weight crushing my whole body deeper and deeper into blackness. I kept trying to push against the black but my body was trying to accept. To accept the darkness does seem to be the easier thing to do.I couldn't feel anything;Everything was on fire, from my fingers to my toes. All i wanted to do was die! _"Don't! Don't you dare give up!"_ Edward? Oh, his voice, even in this torture, i could still appreciate any glimpse of him.

My memory was fuzzy from my attack, like my eyes were all cloudy. The last thing i remember was Victorias teeth sinking into my wrist. I remember her stroking the scar (more like caressing it) from James teeth that had been there from last year. Last year, where Edward had saved me from this burning hell. Stop. Stop right there Bella. He isn't going to save you, i kept telling myself. The hole in my chest seemed to rip further and further down into my chest. It seemed to overtake the pain from the fire. I grabbed my torso to try and keep myself together. The pain beside my heart seemed to get worse. Hotter. Although the pain seemed to get worse next to my heart i felt like i had to adapted to the roaring pain in the rest of my body.

After a while - i couldn't really manage time because of the agony - i found i could listen to sounds around me. There were birds cheeping and leaves rustling, so i'm guessing i'm still in the forest. My body was still twisting and arching in ways i didnt think were possible. I could hear the gasping coming in and out through my teeth. I could hear distant heart beats of animals. Elk? Then there was a completely different heart beat. One that made my throat burn even more if that were even do-able. Human. Thats the only thing it could be. No! I know what i'm becoming, and i still choose after everything i've lost, that i will be a _good_ vampire. A vegetarian.

I heard a silent chuckle. I recognised it straight away. Edward, my one true love. Maybe now that i was like him, then maybe... STOP! He didnt want you then, and he_ won't _want you now.

My thoughts began to get clearer, the pain started to retreat from my palms and toes. The fire was being extinguished from my entire body. Thank God. But.. oh no. The fire wasn't getting extinguished; it was getting thrown on to my heart. As if it werent going through enough already! My hearts pulse was getting faster and faster until...

**Please review and thankyou for reading my story :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

_My thoughts began to get clearer, the pain started to retreat from my palms and toes. The fire was being extinguished from my entire body. Thank God. But.. oh no. The fire wasn't getting extinguished; it was getting thrown on to my heart. As if it werent going through enough already! My hearts pulse was getting faster and faster until..._

It stopped. The agony, the fire was completely gone. I opened my eyes and i could see _everything!_ The sunlight coming in from the trees was glorious. The light rays bounced off at every angle. I could see each colour of the rainbow, and as i looked closer another colour i couldn't place a name to. The leaves on the trees had little droplets of rain that glistened in the sun. They were beautiful! I hadn't realised that it had been raining, so i looked down at myself. My skin! My skin was sparkling. The rain drops paled in comparison to _me. _Now theres something i never thought i'd say! I always thought i was 'Plane Jane' next to Edw... _Him._ The hole in my chest had become un-bearable. I didn't think it could ever happen, but the pain over him has gotten twice as bad. I guess in my new form everything is clearer, even the bad things.

I stood up, just to fall back down again. It was too much. I took in a deep breath. The action felt odd, unnecessary. My eyes felt dry and the next breath i took in hitched in my throat. I began sobbing tearlessly. Vampires couldn't cry. All my thoughts were tainted with Edward. Even though i felt as if i had alot more space to think, it didnt matter because he was _all _could think about.

After i gained control of myself, i stood up, and just started to walk. I needed to get back to Charlie, he would be so worried! Wait, i couldn't go back to Charlie. How was i suppost to go back to him as a vampire. I wouldn't be able to control myself. The ache in my throat seemed to go to the front of my mind. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be; I could easily ignore it if i tried. So i would go home. I started to run. It was exhilarating. I had always wondered why Edwa..._He_ never hit any trees when he ran. But now, actually experiencing it i could tell why it was so easy. You would think, because of how fast i was going, that it would all be a green blur, but i could see everything perfectly!

I was at Charlies house in a couple of minutes. His cruiser was in the driveway so he was definetly home. I decided, a look through window first might be a sensible thing to do. I was not prepared for what i saw. Charlie was a mess! He hadn't shaven in days, his clothes were filthy and his hair was stuck in every direction. Their were papers sprawled all across the living room table. I could see with my vampire eyes that they were maps and newspaper articles of recent crimes and local runaway spots.

What had i done? Charlie was going crazy looking for me. Literally. How could i ever think Charlie would just get over my death? I am so selfish. I need to get away from here. From my old life, and just start a new one. I can't cause anyone else anymore pain.I began running again; I ran north for a while then west, then north again. I lost track after a while. I must have been running all day because the next time i looked up it was night time.

I had stopped in quaint little town. There were small estates dotted around, and a small shopping centre in the middle. I decided to stop in a little corner cafe called 'Granny Maples'. I held my breath and took a step inside. There were only four customers and a waitor. His name tag said he was called Thomas. He walked over to me with a smile on his face. He looked me up and down and smiled even wider. I hadn't really looked at myself yet. I wonder what i looked like now. "Can i take you to a table miss?" Thomas said in a polite voice. "Yes, please" I refused to get distracted by my voice. Thomas showed me to a small table in the middle of the cafe. I heard murmers as i walked past the other customers, not caring to listen to what they were saying. I sat down and put my head down on the table.

So much to think about. Where was i going to go?I couldnt go back home looking like this! "Excuse me?" a small voice said. "Yes?" i mumbled keeping my head on the table. "You seem upset do you need any help?" I looked up to the polite voice, to see a face i was not expecting. She was gorgeous. She had blonde curls with a hint of strawberry blonde that were gracefully fitted around her face. She had pale, white skin and pretty topaz eyes.

"Hello, I'm Tanya"

**Hello :) Thankyou for reading this far ... Please review and tell me what you think of it so far. I would appreciate your views on what was good and bad about my story so far. The more reviews i get the more chapters i will add :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

_She had blonde curls with a hint of strawberry blonde that were gracefully fitted around her face. She had pale, white skin and pretty topaz eyes._

_"Hello, I'm Tanya"_

I just froze. Another vampire? I wonder how many vampires are actually roaming around. I must have been wondering for a while, as Tanya cleared her throat. "Oh, i'm sorry, i'm.." Should i say my name? What if she is friends with Victoria! No. "im.. Jessica" Tanya gave a me a full smile and held out her hand. I shook it. As soon as i touched her hand i found myself on the other side of the room, in a defensive crouch. I did not expect her touch. It was warm and comfortable, not the icy, marble texture i was used to from vampires. Oh, wait. There was one thing that had changed. _I _was a vampire now; of course her skin wouldn't feel cold! I had thought about all of this in an eighth of a second with my new adapted brain. I straightened out of my crouch and looked over to my table. It looked like i had startled Tanya as she had two more people backing her up,and they were all ready to attack if necessary.

"I'm so sorry again, i was just surprised by your touch. You see i was used to, before i was changed, that people like us, had cold skin. I'm very sorry once again" The three vampires all simutaniously stood up straight. "It's ok little one, i guess i should introduce my friends, this is Carmen and Eleazer" Both of them had dark hair and a slight olive tone to their chalked skin. "Hello, Im Jessica... Jessica Stanley" i said smiling to myself, because of my choice of name.

"Are you here alone, or do you have a mate?" Carmen said. That was like twisting the dagger. I felt like screaming at her 'NO, I DON'T BECAUSE THE ONLY MAN I LOVE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!'. I didn't obviously but, instead, i broke down into uncontrollable sobs again. It seemed impossible to control my agony any longer. All three of my new acquaintances came rushing over and tried to comfort me. "Sshh, Jessica, please come home with us and we'll have a little talk, ok?" whispered Tanya. I nodded my head and let them show me to their car. It wasn't a long drive, two minutes at the most. It looks like all vampires drive at ridiculous speeds. 110 mph!

I stepped out of the car onto a huge lawn. Their house was four stories high and was covered in ivory. The house seemed to just blend into the forest. It was magnificent! I walked into the house and took a seat on a long leather couch. "So, what brings you to Alaska Jessica" asked Eleazar. Alaska, so thats where i was. It took me a minute to realise Eleazar was talking to me, but once i took in what he said i just blurted the out the first thing that came to mind."Erm.. i was just wandering, looking for someone to help me" I guess it was sort of the truth. "Help? What do you need help with little one?" Tanya said. I could tell we were going to be great friends: she was a lovely person. "Well, i dont have any family anymore and i'm not really sure what to do or where to go." i replied, my mouth turning into a frown. "We would be happy enough for you to stay here Jess!" Carmen said excitedly. Hmm. Maybe this could be my new life! There all really nice and its not like i have any better options so...

"Sure, thankyou so much, your being very kind to me" Tanya then showed me around the house and said i could have a room on the third floor, to call my own. She also said that she had two other sisters called Kate and Irina, but Irina had found a new love so was off galavanting with him and Kate was out hunting. This whole coven seemed very familiar to me. I just couldnt put a finger on it...

**Thankyou for reading my story and please review :) ... I was actually thinking of doing a couple of chapters in Alice's Pov .. or Edwards , but i can't decide who? Edward will be back btw for any team edward fans. And so will Jake :) Oooo and im definetly Team Edward !!!!! Please Reply Thankyou.**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

My whole family is ruined. Rosalie and Emmett can't stand to be around Edward anymore, so they left months ago to live in England. Esme is so worried about Edward that she constantly tries to make him feel better. Like that's going to work. Carlisle is devastated that he lost both a son _and_ a daughter. Even though Bella was only in our lives for a little while, Carlisle saw her as a part of our family straight away. As did then there's me and Jasper. Jasper thinks it's all his fault, even though it was just an accident. That fatal day where my life came tumbling down around me. That day where Bella, my best friend, my sister, cut her finger on a present she didn't want. I haven't told anybody this, but i think this is all because of me; If i hadn't pushed a birthday party onto Bella then we would all be happy, and none of this would of happened. . .

Edward is distraught. He just sits in his room and does nothing. And i mean _nothing._ He only hunts once every 3 weeks, and even then he would only eat a lousy dear. I looked into his future the other day, to see if he goes back to Bella and to my surprise he did! I saw him going through her window, stroking her hair, watching her sleep until she woke up. But then. I saw nothing again. He changes his mind so quickly that it hurts to look at his future sometimes: gives me a headache almost. It annoys me how he won't let me check up on my sister. Isn't it enough that he has made us leave our home, and our new lives. Now he won't let me interfere in any way.

God i miss Bella. Life isn't the same without her. My family is _broken . . ._

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Good Morning" i said to my gorgeous husband. He smiled back and pulled me on to the unnecessary bed in the middle of our room. He wrapped his hands around my waist and gave me a passionate kiss. "Good morning" I giggled and snuggled up next to him. "Your in an excitable mood today?!" Jasper annalysed. Most people found his emotion based gift annoying. I on the other hand find it one of his best features, it just seems a natural part of him. "Edwards going hunting today, and he is going to let me come with him" i said. Jasper sighed. It pained him to think of Edward. It's not only Edward who has to live an eternity of pain, its Jasper too. I stroked his cheek to try and comfort him. "Im sorry" I really was. "Why are you sorry?" Jasper asked. "I don't know" I didn't really want to go into the whole 'It's my fault that my whole family is apart' thing so i just left it. "You know Alice Cullen, you really do baffle me at times" He giggled. I sighed and walked out of the room. "Baffled!" I heard Jasper shout at me.

I walked down the hall and stopped at Edwards door. I raised my hand to knock then put it straight back down again. Should i go in? Or is he just going to ignore me again. "Just come in Alice" Edward said in an un-emotional voice. Stupid mind reading brother. I walked in and saw the same thing i have seen in my visions a thousand times. Edwards room was all black, black walls, black floor and black curtains that were always closed so there was no light coming in. There was only one tiny chair in the corner of the room that he didn't even use. All he ever did was sit in the corner, scrunched up into a ball. "What do you want Alice" Edward said nastily. It hurt having Edward talk to me like that, so i turned around and started to walk out. "Don't Go" He whimpered just before i left. His voice was filled with pure agony.I quickly tuned around and ran to his side. "Oh Edward" He began to sob silently on my shoulder and just kept sighing Bellas name. "Let's get out of here, you need a good hunt by the look of things" I said whilst trying to heave him off the floor. "No". He instantly froze and shook off my grip. _Edward please, for me? _i said mentally. He didn't answer. He just got up and jumped out the window. Yes!


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

_He didn't answer. He just got up and jumped out the window. Yes!_

I followed Edward out of the window and began chasing after him. I couldn't find him. I tried to follow his scent but he had ran around in so many directions that it was hard to tell which trail was the strongest. I stopped running and looked into the future to see where he had gone. "Cheat" Edward called from behind a tree. "That wasn't very nice!" I said and pouted my bottom lip out. "Sorry". _It's Ok._ I thought. I looked around and it looked like we had ended up miles from the house. There were trees all around us and we were standing in a circular patch of field in the middle. There were random groups of daisies and bluebells scattered around. It was beautiful! "It reminds me of the meadow i took Bella to once" Edward stated and began to sit down and put his head in between his knees. He is in so much pain. Why doesn't he go back to her! "I can't, i promised her" he said. "Yes. But do you really think its a promise she wants you to keep?" I bet she's heartbroken. I can't imagine if i were ever seperated from Jasper. "Alice!" Edward groaned and took off running again. "Edward, come back, im sorry"

I started running again. It wasn't as difficult to follow him this time. Finally he stopped running and stopped right infront of my face. "Do you really think i wouldn't go back this minute, if it was what was best for _her_! I _can't_ go back to her, i would be taking her whole life away from her!" His face was menacing, his eyes were filled with such sorrow. I flinched back from his anger. Edward staggered back after reading how frightened i was of him. "I'm sorry, i'm just.. I'm just.." He sighed. _I know _i thought. _I'm sorry too._

After a couple minutes of silence Edward said, "Lets hunt," so we went in search of our prey. The one good thing about our new 'home' (if you could call it that) was that the selection of food was refreshing! There was bears, Lions, dear, wolves, and my favourite, Gizzelle! I crouched down ready to attack. I let my senses take over my whole body. I breathed in a huge gust of air. I could hear the quiet padding of my preys footsteps. I came closer and closer to the sound until finally i could see my chosen victim. It was a grizzly bear! Not my prefered taste but it would do. I silently started circling it until finally i pounced! He started scratching at my skin, not that it did much harm, then it started ripping my clothes. Ugh. That was a designer dress! Getting iritated i bit into its neck and finished it off! Ha!

Edward was already done, he was sitting, watching me. "You know, you didn't have to be so cruel, i'm not sure bears can tell if clothes are designer" he chuckled. His laughter made me beam. I hadn't heard him laugh in so long..."I'm just trying to make you happy, i know i've been awful lately, and i want you to remember me as i was once before" Edward sai,interupting my thought. _No one blames you for being upset. _He came over and gave me a hug. Wait. "Remember you. . . where are you going?" He took a few steps back and sat on a rock. "I'm going away for a while, i don't know how long i'll be gone for." _What?! Why? When? _"I'm not sure when, i'll have to talk to Carlisle, i just wanted to tell you first" Edward answered my un-said question. "Why?" i asked. He seemed reluctant to answer. "I can't live without her Alice, i know it was my idea to leave Forks but it doesn't mean i like it" I walked over him and put my arm around his shoulder. "That's not all it is" I said, knowing he wasn' telling me the whole truth. "You know me well" He chuckled, "I don't want to see my family suffer aswell, Rose and Emmett have left because of me, Esme crys every night, Carlisle has stopped working and Jasper has to feel what i feel every day! I don't want to enflict that on anyone. Then the worst of all, i hate how i took to your best friend away from you, i am so sorry," He hung his head. No, he can't leave, i've already lost so much, i can't lose him too. I've got to fix this! "Alice, theres nothing you ca..." He started to say.I ran away. I went straight home to get Jasper. I needed him.

I eventually got home to find it was just Esme. "Do you know where Jasper is Esme?" I asked trying to listen for him. "I'm sorry hun, he and Carlisle went hunting around an hour ago, is there something wrong, you look upset" She started walking towards me. I could hear Edward approcahing the house. I needed to get away from here, before he reads my mind. "Sorry Esme, go to go!" I said while starting to run again. I ran and ran as far as i could until i stopped in a completely different country. I sat down on a small bench at the side of the road. Oh my god. I don't think i can take this. First Bella, then Em and Rose and now Edward! I'm losing everyone i love! I'll be lucky if Carlisle and Jasper even come home. I just _wish_ i had someone to talk to.

That's it, i know i promised Edward i wouldn't do this but i can't stop myself any longer. I closed my eyes and searched for Bella's future.... WOAH!!! What the heck did i just see!

**Hello :) Please review i would love to see what you think about my story :) I will probablly be udpating tomorrow so,,, keep reading please :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

_I closed my eyes and searched for Bella's future.... WOAH!!! What the heck did i just see!_

This isn't possible! She can't be, can she? When did this happen? _Why_ is she with The Denalis? Oh, forget that i just saw Bella as a _vampire _for crying out loud! Now she and Edward can be together and Rose and Em can come back and we can all go back to Forks and everyone will be happy! Right. Alice stop ranting and think! Bella is a vampire. Now why wouldn't she come to find us? Has she forgot us... No, that can't be it. She must not love Edward any more! This will destroy him.I looked into her future again for any signs of her love over Edward..... Oh my. Well, she definetly still loves him, but it looks like our family has done greater damage than we thought. All i could see in my vision was Bella, on a bed, sobbing tearlessly and sighing the same words over and over, _'It'll be as if i never existed'_. I would have to question Edward about that later on. She was painful to look at. I need to make everyone happy again. I need a plan. I once again looked into the future to see my plan.. Stupid Alice. You can't see it yet because you haven't _made_ it yet! Ok then...

First of all, i need to convince Edward to go and visit the Denalis. Then once he sees Bella, they can make up and come back together! Wait. Edwards planning to leave soon. What if he goes and never comes back! No,no,no. So, the _first_ thing i need to do is convince Edward to stay for a few more days while i sort everything out! I could really use some help here. Obviously i can't tell any one as Edward will hear it! Good thing i learned how to block my thoughts from him years ago. Ok. So after i convince Edward to stay, which i can see will work in my visions, i'll phone Tanya and tell her that Edward will be paying her a visit. She will definetly like that: she always had a thing for Edward. I laughed out loud to myself. The sound of it woke me up from my thoughts and i realised how late it was. Jasper will be home now. I best get back before thay send a search party!

I got home to find everyone in the lounge, waiting for me. Except for Edward. "Where's Edward?" i said frantically. If he has already left, that will ruin everything!

"Ruin what?" Edward asked coming down the stairs. Oh crap. "Erm.. nothing, i was just planning on asking you to stay for a couple more days" _Please don't go yet Edward. _I thought.

"Why, were you planning on leaving son?" Carlisle asked rising from his chair. I forgot everyone else was here, so i went to go sit on Jaspers lap and gave him a peck on the lips. "Where have you been" he whispered. I just shook my head. I'd tell him later. "Yes. I was going to go away for a while. I was going to tell you alone Carlisle, but _somebody_ couldn't keep their mouth shut!" Edward snapped. Jasper growled. "Don't speak to her like that!" Jasper shouted. He was so protective of me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, i was just a little fustrated" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's Ok,we know you have been going through a tough time" I said whilst trying to calm Jasper. "And that's exactly why i need to leave, i need to be alone for a while" Edward told the others. "Please don't go, we'll miss you terribly" Esme chipped in. "Yeah, Edward, just stay for 3 more days,then you can go wherever you want," I begged. _Please. _I thought again. "Fine. But just three days!" Edward said then went over to Esme and gave her a hug. Yes! Now i can set my plan in motion! Ooops. Edward eyed me suspiciously, but said nothing.

**Please review and keep reading :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

The next couple of weeks were ok i suppose. Tanya and her family welcomed me with open arms, and i starting to feel like one of them! Still, i have a feeling that i know them from somewhere. But, i guess its just because they remind me of the Cullens. I decided not to tell anyone about my love for Edward. Tanya would probally try and convince me to find him. I can't put myself through that. Another rejection would be too much. Kate came home a couple of days after my arrival. She seemed very sour. I'm not really sure if that had anything to do with me personally or that she found it annoying that she couldn't _shock_ me. You see, Kate has a gift where she can give anyone an electric shock. Even vampires! Looks like my brain still doesn't work right, even as a vampire. I remember once that Edward said i was on an a.m frequency and everybody else was on f.m. I chuckled aloud and then gripped my torso: it still hurt terribly to think of Edward, but i find it easier to hide my pain now.

I had completly forgot i was sat in a room full of people. Tanya was on the couch infront of me and Carmen and Eleazar were snuggled up on a love seat. Tanya had her suspisions about why i had to hold myself together sometimes, but she held her curiosity in. She was a very good friend to me. Tanya and I had become very close lately. We would spend hours talking at a time, about things we had in common and i loved to ask her about her life as a vampire! It was very exciting. Their was one story that i found very enticing. It was about Tanya, Kate and Irinas 'mother'. She was also a vampire and had been killed many years ago. In the vampire world their is a powerful coven called the Volturi. They seem to me like the Royal family of vampires. No one messes with them, or you face serious consequences.

"Years ago, my mother was killed by the Volturi" Tanya had said to me. "She had done the inexcusible of making an immortal child" An immortal child?

"What's so bad about that?" I asked. Tanyas face grew very stiff, which i noticed she did when she was upset. "There was a time, a time where plague inhabited our world, when ancient vampires created new-borns out of humans who were barely infants" I shuddered. "They were gorgeous, enchanting. You simply had to love them. So beautiful..." Tanya continued. "But they were uncontollable, they simply couldn't be taught, so there was a high risk of exposure. With two year olds, running around that could kill a village of poeple! It was very dangerous. There was no restraint to them." Tanya seemed hesitant to carry on. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to carry on, i understand if its to hard to talk about someone you've lost, i should know!" I whispered. The last bit kind of slipped out and i regretted it immediately. Tanya squinted her eyes at me but carried on none the less. I had a feeling she would ask me about it later. "My mother created one of these infants, i'm not sure why, i haven't forgiven her to this very day. Then of course the Volturi got involved and well..." Her breathing started to hitch and i could hear quiet sobs escaping her lips. "Ssshhh, its ok, you can stop now" I hugged her close to me and the conversation had ended there. I didn't dare ask her any more on the topic. I hated to see her in such grief.

"Jess?" Eleazar asked me, which snapped me out of my flashback. "Yes, Eleazar?" Eleazar never seemed to talk to me much. Of course he was polite and asked how i was now and then, but he always had a look of concentration on his face, that made me feel uncomfortable around him. "Could i speak to you alone for a minute?" He said.

"Of course!" I got up and he lead me outside into the garden. He sat down on the bench swing and gestured for me to come and sit down. "What is it you would like to talk about Eleazar?" i said while sitting down.

"Well, as you know i have a gift where i can sense peoples abilities" Yes, Tanya had told me about this, he could tell what a vampires power was before even meeting them. "Well, your gift confuses me a little," Eleazar said in a small voice. He looked a little embarrased!

"My gift? I didn't think i had one!" I wondered. I've always had an extremelly good sense of self control, seeing as i was only a couple of weeks old, but i had always assumed it was because i knew what i was becoming before i was one. Almost like i had _prepared_ myself for it.

"I have to disagree dear, your gift is a very powerful shield! I can't be sure though as you are blocking me right now" A shield?

"What does that mean Eleazar, i'm a little confused." I said.

"It's like you have a barrier around your mind that doesn't allow anyone to access or harm it in anyway," Hmm. I thought about that for a while. I guess that does explain why Edward couldn't read my mind. "Is that why Kate can't shock me?" Now that i think about it, it does make sense.

"Yes i think so, but like i said before i can't be certain. There's something... else..." Eleazar said getting even more embarassed.

"What is it? You can tell me anything," I said.

"Ok, erm.. i'm really sorry for prying, but in your human life did you go through a very painful experience?" I knew straight away what he was talking about. Edward. He leaving me was a _very_ painful experience.

"No, i'm sorry i don't think i know what your talking about," I lied, i'm just not ready to talk about this yet. I gripped my torso.

"Are you sure?" Eleazar asked.

"Y-yes" I stuttered. Crap. I never was good at lying.

"Ok then... well... if there _was_ something... and i think there is... that would explain why your shield is even stronger at the moment" What is he on about! How the heck did he know about the pain i'm feeling. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier!

"ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!" Eleazar screeched. Oh my god! He was writhing on the floor in pain.

**Dun dun dun! :) Hello ... thankyou for reading my story and i hope you like it :) Please review... I am so sorry but i will not be able to update until the 8th, 9th or 10th of August :( I am so sorry .... the reason i cant update is because i am in turkey... im leaving tomorrow :) but i will be writing as much as i can tonight so then i can put more chapters on when i get back.. please come back and read the next chapters :) Thankyou.. oh**

**And if anyone can guess the correct reason why Eleazar is in Pain i will mention you in the next chapter :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

_"ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!" Eleazar screeched. Oh my god! He was writhing on the floor in pain. _

I immediately crouched down to try and help him. "Plleeaasse Jess STOPP!!!" What? Me! I was doing this? Tanya, Kate and Carmen had all rushed outside. "You need to CALM down!" Eleazar shouted. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. In and out, in and out. It worked. Eleazar had got up off the floor and back onto the bench swing. "What just happened?!" Carmen asked, clearly struggling with seeing Eleazar like that. "Its ok love, Jess just got a bit upset. I should have explained." Why was he blaming this on me? I haven't done anything. "I'm sorry Jess, i should have told you. You see, i know your in pain, and don't try to deny it. Something in your human existence has caused you to have an extra ability. Something that has been tied to your emotions. When you get angry, you can inflict that anger on to somebody else, but you can transform it into pain, which is what you saw happen to me." What? This so confusing! "When you get sad or unhappy, you can _make_ people suffer with you" Eleazar explained. "I have got a feeling that as soon as your pain vanishes, so will your extra gift, but for now you _need _to control your emotions better. I will try to help you get control of your gift for now, but i do advise that you try and remove whatever kind of heartache your in," Everyone had pity in their eyes. "Jess, what happened to you?" Tanya asked whilst walking over to me to place a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to hurt anyone again. So i ran.

I stopped in the forest, miles from my new home. I started sobbing uncontrollably. Why did he have to leave me? I wanted Edward so much that it hurt. He could make everything better. He could take me in his arms, and stroke my hair and tell me everything was going to be ok. "Jessica?" i heard a quiet whisper coming from behind one of the trees.

"Tanya, please just leave me alone, i don't want to hurt you" I said in between sobs. She came and sat down next to me on the floor. "I'll take my chances," she giggled.

"Please Jess, tell me what happened!" Tanya had been such a good friend, she deserved to know. I was just too ashamed to tell her. How do you tell someone that your love of your life left you because he had better things to do. I would just seem so pathetic.

I guess she would of found out soon enough, but i liked having a fresh start, where nobody pitied me or treated me differently just because of what i had been through. Charlie never acted the same way around me after he left. Charlie. I really miss my dad, and Jake and my _home_. I swear i will check up on him soon!

I decided to just tell Tanya the truth. Let her make her own judgements of me, instead of misleading her. I sat up, got contol of myself and just blurted it all out in one go. "I fell in love with a vampire and i thought he loved me too but i guess not because he left me all alone and then i was changed by a sadistic vampire who was out to get revenge for her mate who was killed by the vampire i love, Ed... Mike because he was trying to save me!" I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. Now that i said it like that, i felt like even more of a waste of space. No wonder Edward left me! Tanya hadn't said anything in a while. The suspense was killing me so i looked up. Tanya was fuming! Her eyes were like daggers and it looked like she was about to explode with anger. "I'm going to kill this _Mike_ for what he has done to you!" She started to get up, but i pulled her down again.

"No, please Tanya just leave it, he doesnt love me anymore, you can't force him" I wish she could. God i hopes she doesn't interfere. For one, _Mike_ isn't his real name so she could never find him. Two, because Tanya would probally die trying to kill him for me and three... If she did win, then that would mean Edward would be dead and a world without Edward seems completely pointless. She took a huge breath in and out and said "Im sorry hun, but it hurts me to see you like this. I hear you every night crying, muttering things that i can't understand. I've noticed that you hold yourself together sometimes, and i'm guessing it's because your thinking of him." I turned away and started crying again. Mostly in embaressment: I never realised anyone could hear me when i cried at night. She heard my sobs and came over and put her arm around my shoulder. "Thankyou, it actually feels quite good to finally get this off my chest" i really was. Even though it wasn't the whole truth, she knew the basics.

"Now lets go home _before _Eleazar combusts with worry. I know he might not show it, but he cares deeply about you, we all do, even Kate!" I giggled at that.

**Hello :) Im back ... The correct reviewers were .... twolden 77**

** Kellygirl96**

** TopazTearz**

**Please review! I love to hear your comments.**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

Darkness. My whole life is filled with darkness. Ever since i left my Bella, i don't see the point in living. I _know_ i have done the right thing for her, by leaving, but its killed me in the process. I might aswell be dead. I did decide to end my life at one point, but Alice saw my decision and had Emmett and Jasper keep a watch on me for weeks. I doubt i would of gone through with it anyway. I couldn't. I couldn't be so selfish, and hurt my family even more than i already have. Another reason, that i daren't say aloud is that i probally will go back to Bella one day. Just to check up on her. To make sure that i made the right decision. Dear _god_ i hope i did!

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................

Alice has been acting strange this morning. Everytime i tune into her thoughts, all i hear is her translating the national anthem into every language you could possibally think of. It's driving insane! I know she is trying to keep something from me, but i don't care enough to ask. I don't care enough to do anything anymore. Not without Bella.

I would prefer to just go far, far away and shrivell up in a corner, and think about the highlights of my life; My time with _her_. Stupidly i agreed to spend three more days with my family. If it were up to me i would have been gone months ago. But i could never do that to Esme. She would have been terribly upset to lose both Bella and myself in one go. Seeing as i am leaving my family in three days, i have decided to spend time with them. Almost like a going away present, for each one of my family. Today i plan to convince Carlisle into taking a job at the hospital. I hate not seeing him work. He has lost the sparkle in his eye ever since we left Forks. Mostly because of me, but he misses his job terribly. He would never admit that out loud though. He thinks its selfish of him to go and do something he enjoys when his son is in pain. Which is absolutely absurd!

Esme's 'gift' from me is simply spending time with her. Laughing and smiling included, even though it pains me to even talk. I know how much she has missed _me_ recently. Even though her constant thoughts on how to make me happy are annoying, i can see how much love goes into them. She is the most caring person i have ever met! Well, the second most caring person... I'm going to miss her motherly ways. It's going to be hard not seeing her everyday, its going to be hard not seeing _everybody_, but its the right thing to do!

I haven't really decided on what to do with Alice and Jasper. I think it could be a good idea to go hunting with them tomorrow. Spend the whole day with them. "Edward thats a great idea! I can't wait!" I heard Alice say from downstairs. Well i guess that's one less thing to worry about.

It will have been almost seven months since i last saw my love next week. I could still see her so clearly. The perfect shape of her lips, the way her hair swayed in the wind and her gorgeous, chocolate, brown eyes. What i would give to be holding her right now. To stroke her cheek and see blood rush up to her face. She was cute when she blushed. Oh Bella. My sweet, sweet Bella.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Alice are you nearly done getting ready, its only a hunting trip for goodness sake!" I yelled up the stairs. She had been getting ready for almost two hours, while me and Jasper stood waiting eagerly at the front door. One more day i kept telling myself. One more day. "Fine, fine, fine i'm coming, no need to shout" Alice stated in an detached voice. Her thoughts were still always somewhere else. For the past two days i have listened to nothing but a description of every article of clothing in Alice's closet. It's obvious she doesn't want me to know about something, so i'm not going to ask: That would be rude.

"Come on, Let's go" Jasper said while starting to run out the door. We had decided to go to the 'meadow' that i showed Alice the other day, and hunt around the area. Well, when i say _we_ i mean Alice. I tried to persuade her to go somewhere else, but she was very persistent. When we arrived a couple minutes later, my face completely fell and her face came to mind. I could see her big brown eyes staring in wonder at my sparkling skin, as i revieled myself in our meadow. The way it felt to have her cold hands upon cheek. And then all i could see was the tortured expression on Bella's face when i left her all alone. It phsically pained me to leave her. To watch her face bacome lifeless as i said i didnt want her anymore. How did she believe me so quickly?

Unknowingly, i had dropped to the floor and but my head in my hands. "Edward?" Alice called. I didn't respond. I needed a minute to get control of myself. I could tell Jasper was feeling my pain as he had a strained expression on his face. I can't believe i am hurting them again! After i had already promised myself to be strong for them, to make them happy, i go and ruin it! I should just go now and save them from the anguish.

"No!" Both Alice and Jasper said. Alice had obviously seen a vision of me leaving now, and Jasper had felt my worthlessness.

"Why? It would be so much easier on everybody!" I said and started to walk off. All of a sudden i felt myself pinned against the floor by Jasper. "Let go of me!" I shouted. I was still confused about why i didn't hear the attack in the first place.

"Edward, if you leave now that will ruin _everything_!" Alice screamed at me. I was completely shocked. She had never shouted at me like this before. She had her hands in claws and her eyes were twitching. I was actually afraid of her. Jasper felt my terror and said "Alice hun, your starting to scare Edward". She took a few breaths and stood back up straight.

"Er.. Jaz?" I said looking at his arms restraining me.

"Only if you promise to hear me out first" Alice cautioned me. I hesitantly agreed. "Ok, Jaz..." She said and Jasper intantally stood up. I copied. "What do you want from me Alice?" I said, getting quite fustrated with her evasivness.

"Jaz, Can you give us minute?" Alice said. It felt like it had a double meaning. _Pink dress with sinched waist, silver satin shoes... _What is she keeping from me? Jasper walked over to Alice, gave her a peck on the lips and took off into the forest.

"So?" I said a little too harshly. _I hate it when he talks to me like that._ She thought. "I'm sorry... It's just that i've been trying _exceptionally_ hard to make everyone happy, but its too hard.. its too hard." I said. I had ended up on the floor again. My bottom lip started to shake and my eyes felt completely dry. I was crying. _Get up Edward!_ I heard Alice scream in her head. "What?" I asked, slightly confused on why she was acting this way.

"I said get UP! I'm sick of you doing this, all you do is mope around and feel sorry for yourself!" Alice screeched. That one hurt.

"Well, i'm sorry if i don't feel like walking around acting like i haven't just lost _everything_! Sorry if sometimes i just want to die because i have _nothing_ to live for. I'm... I'm.." I couldn't even get the words out. I was so angry, i could feel my breathing getting heavier and i was starting to shake. I hadn't realised i was stood right infront of Alice screaming into her face. She didn't look scared; she looked like she had expected my reaction.

"Well do something about it." Alice said, cleary saying each word. "Go back to Bella! It would fix everything. Everybodys lives would be so much better. Esme and Carlisle would be extatic, Rose and Em would come back, Jasper wouldn't have to avoid you and your pain anymore and you and Bella would be together!" Hadn't we already had this conversation? I couldn't go back, i promised her.

"Alice. Like i said before i _CAN'T_!" I shouted, emphasizing the last word so much that the leaves around us shook. I took a breath and said, "I can't take her life from her... and that's exactly why i'm leaving, so you don't have to watch me be like this. I refuse to... _live_ without her." I put my hand on her arm and she pulled me into a hug.

"I'm going to miss you so. much" I said squeezing her a little harder. Alice was my closest sibling, and i would miss her little chirpy ways the most. _Please, please, please don't rip my head off at the idea but..._ Alice thought.

"But..." I wondered.

"Why don't you go to the Denali's for a while..." I started to interupt but she gave me a look that made me think again.

"Just hear me out, go to Alaska for a couple of days, or even weeks. Maybe the only reason you want to leave us is because you feel a little guilty for.. taking .. Bella" She hesitated at saying that out loud. Even though it is true that i took her best friend away from her, she never said it, as she knows how much i hate myself for it.

"It's ok Alice. I don't blame you for feeling that way" I said trying to comfort her.

"As i was saying, maybe if you spent some time with people other than us, people who didn't know Bella, then you wouldn't find it so hard to exist" Hmm. Her idea did make some sense. I guess i could try, for my family.

"Yayy!!!!" Alice sqeiled while jumping up and down. _Oh my god, i can't believe he agreed! Now all i have to do is... Oh crap... Yellow mini skirt that goes with my green vest top and ear rings... _What? Again with the secrets.

"Alice, what are you keeping from me?" I asked her bluntly. She just rocked back onto her heels. Before i could ask her again she had ran in the direction of the house. I didn't care enough to chase her. It looked like i needed to get home and pack. I would set off to Alaska in the morning.

**Oooooooo.... Please review and thankyou for all the reviews and favouriters and subscribers i have gotten so far. :) I will try and update by friday but im going to Ibiza on sat morning so i might not have time... but i probally will :) REVIEW!**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

"Yes, now come on Jess i _know_ you can do this!" Kate whispered, trying not to break my focus. I had been able to project my 'shield' as Eleazar called it, 300 yards so far. Kate said i should be able to permantly protect someone one day. "Ok Jessica, try and reach out to Tanya" I squeezed my eyes, and expanded my shield.

"Okay, i think i have it" i huffed out, getting out of breath. Kate walked over to Tanya and poked her left arm; she fell to the floor.

"Damn it Kate, do you have to use all your force!" Tanya screamed. I was sure i had my shield over her.

"No, it was my fault Tanya, i thought i had it, im so sorry" I ran over to her and helped her up. God, i still love the sensation of running.

"It's okay, your doing so good since we've only been trying a few days, Kate tell her how good she's doing," Tanya said, putting her arm around my shoulder and looking at Kate.

"Well, she could do alot better..." Kate was interupted with a small thump from Tanya. "Hey!! Let me finish, touchy" Kate giggled, while giving her a moch-punch back. "As i was saying, i think Jess has a trigger, a... _source_ to help her with her shield" A source? Yet another puzzle added to my already messed-up mind! What else could life throw at me. First i have a freaky protector, then i have to keep all emotions locked up, to keep people safe, and now i have to figure out what this _source_ is. Great.

I was getting fustrated. I could feel it. "Erm.. guys could i take a break for a while?" I said while already starting to run into the house. I ran into my room and threw myself onto my bed. "Arrrrrr!!" i screamed into my pillow. My head was pounding, and i could feel my emotions getting the better of me. Ever since my mind made a barrier around itself, because of a certain vampire, everything i feel is 10 times stronger. It doesn't just hurt the people around me, it hurts _me! _

"Jessica" Carmen called, in a pained voice. Crap. I didn't realise someone was in the house. "Sorry" i said, knowing she could hear me. Sometimes i wish i could just sit in a corner all by myself, far away from everyone. But Tanya and the rest our my only friends. I don't think i could handle losing anyone else. I got up off the bed and went to go find Tanya. I could use a hunt. I loved the range of animals around here. My favourite was a mountain lion. Though i hardly ever chased them as they were his favourite too. No, Too. Much. Pain.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................

Tanya had left for the day to pick up a close friend coming to stay with us for a couple of days. All i knew about him was that he and his coven are practically family. I guess if my friends liked him so would I. Carmen had suggested i spend the day with her as i hadn't really spent any quality time with her recently. She was taking me shopping for some new clothes. My wardrobe did need an update, ic ouldnt keep borrowing Tanya's clothes forever. Carmen reminded me of my former best friend in many ways.

We took my new mercedes to a little street down town. While Carmen went to browse the clothing stores, i made my way into a local book store. I spent hours in there. I loved all books. Especially the oldies. From my favourite classic, Wuthering Heights to a tragic story like Romeo and Juliet, i could sit all day and get lost in the fantasy world with Heathcliff and Catherine. It was kind of my own form of torture, seeing as my Romeo would never come back to me.

After i had purchased half the book store i started making my down the alley to get back onto the mainstreet. "Hey hot stuff!" a man shouted from behind. I turned to see a dark haired man with olive skin, flanked by two hooded figures. I had a strange sense of deja vu. I stopped straight in my tracks. It wasn't so long ago where i was in the same situation. Alone, in the dark, out numbered by some disgusting men. Obviuosly the odds werent exactly the same seeing as i could send one of them flying with a quick flick of my wrist, but all the same it was frightengly similar.

The men had approached me so they were only a couple of metres behind. "Dayyymmnn! I haven't seen anything as hot as you for a long time! It must be my lucky day." The olive skinned man chuckled. Uggh! How pig-headed could one person get. I started walking again up the alley at a fast human pace. Even though i could out run these guys, i still felt a familiar wave of terror wash over me. I started running a bit quicker but they just wouldn't give up. They started to chase me down the street. I started running at a slow vampire speed. No way could they catch me now.

I was wrong. I musn't of been going as fast as i thought because the next thing i knew the man had pinned me up against a wall. "Now don't be like that baby, i'm not going to hurt you" he whispered while starting to scrape his hand up my thigh and lift my skirt. Why wasn't i stopping him? I could easily push him away, but my body was freezing up as if it _wanted_ him to be dong this! The man ran his hand up my hip and basically ripped my top off by the seams.

"Hey!" A girl called so loudly it was almost a growl. The man didn't stop he just let go of his grip and stood infront of me so i was completely shadowed. "Get the _hell_ off of her!" She shouted. I still couldn't move. It was like i was hypnotised.

"Oh my, Oh my, this really is my lucky night. Another amazingly beautiful girl" The man said while apprasing the girl with his eyes.

"Jess, why aren't you moving! Get him off you." She said. What? How did she know my name. I used all my strength to peep my head sround my attackers body. It was Carmen. Of course! She would of got worried after i didn't turn up and came looking for me. Weirdly enough, i felt disappointed, as if i didn't want her to save me.

"Jessica!" Carmen yelled while trying to fight the other men without exposing us. The olive skinned man had started touching me again. Right, this is wrong, i need to get up. I thrusted my leg up into his groin and he instantly fell to the floor. I grabbed my bags off the floor and went to help Carmen. She had already dealt with one of them so i smacked the other on the head with my bag of books.

Carmen just stood there staring at me horrified. "What?" I said. My voice came out in a hoarse croak. I made my way back to the street and into the car park. "What? What do you mean what. What the hell was that!" Carmen said angrily pointing back the alley. "Nothing, i don't want to talk about it" i said while slipping into the car.

"Well, you haven't got a choice. Why did you let that man do that to you!? Huh!" I could basically see the steam coming out of her ears. She was so angry.

"I'm sorry Carmen, i don't even know myself what that was, it was like i was hypnotised or something" I said while setting the car into motion. I really didn't have a clue why i reacted like that way; And why was i disappointed to be saved? The last time i was in that situation, all i wanted was to be saved. Thank God i was, or i wouldnt be here today. If it weren't for Edward saving me... Edward. Maybe the reason i didn't want Carmen there was that i was waiting for _him!_ Maybe the reason i let that foul man touch me was because i knew it would make _him_ mad. I really i am going insane. I am risking rape, just on the off-chance that someone who is never coming back will save me. I could only think of one option; I was crazy!

"I'm sorry i acted that way Jess, it's just seeing him touch you like that and not being able to do anything about it! It was unbearable." Carmen said, waking me from my thoughts. I had hurt my friend.

"No, i'm sorry, i should have ran away. I don't know what happened to me!" I said hanging my head. We were nearly home now, i could see the lights back to our home town.

"It's Ok, take your time. You can talk to me when your ready" She said placing a comforting hand on my own. "Thanks" i said. I turned into the driveway and parked the car. Just before i got out Camren pulled me back in.

"Erm.. You might want to put one of the tops i bought you on" She said looking down and back up to my eyes. I looked down. If i could still blush i would be a tomato red. I hadn't realised i was still topless! I quickly jumped in the backseat and threw a white vest top on. "Thanks, again" I said trying to laugh it off.

"It's ok" She said while steping out of the car. I followed. "Tanya should be back by now/ With our new guest. I can't wait to see him, i have missed him dearly!" I had completely forgot about our visitor. I didn't even know his name. I helped Carmen with all her bags (so much like Alice, there were almost 20 bags!) and started to walk up the stairs into the house. "So, whats he called, our guest?" I asked.

"Oh, Edward Cullen, i think you two will get along great." ........................................... What did she just say? No it couldn't be, could it? Now i remember! The family that was like the Cullens. The family that lived in Alaska. It all made sense now! He couldn't be here. I couldn't let him see me like this. He had already left me once, i couldn't bear to lose him again!

"Bella?" An angelic voice said. I stopped halfway through the door and looked up. "Edward"

**Hey! Sorry i didn't update when i said i would.. and i hope your still reading my story :) Its just that i could NOT think of how to put this chapter at all! I hope its ok? I will definetly try to finish another chapter before i go back to school on Tuesday but if i dont then im sorry Anyway PLEASE PLEASE review i love hearing comments :) and ta for all the people who have favourited and subscribed :) REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

_Oh my, who is that man! I wonder if he has a girlfriend. Ok, lets put some lipgloss on before he comes..._

The girl at the counter thoughts were starting to get utterly absurd. It still surprises me how some humans can be so imaginative with their sick fantasies. "That will be $12.50 please" The checkout girl said while fluttering her eyelashes. Ugh. I threw down a 20 and walked a little too fast out the door. I should have used Carlisles mercedes: maybe i woudn't have to fill up on gas so often.

I only had a couple of miles to go until i arrived in Alaska. I had agreed to go hunting with Tanya to catch up which i was not looking forward to. Tanya has always been very _persistent._ The last time i visited she tried to seduce me for the 63rd time! You would think she got the point by now. I could never have eyes for anyone but Bella. The time passed quickly as i remembered my time with her. That first kiss. Where are lips moved together like they were shaped to be together all along. I used to think it was our destiny to be together, but soon enough i banished that idea altogether. How could it be her destiny to be doomed? Such an innocent, beautiful, un-selfish creature? "No, i did the right thing" i muttered to myself again and again. I felt a small vibration in my pocket. I flipped my cell open and it was a text from Alice.

_You keep telling yourslef that Edward._

How could so one so small be so hugely annoying! Finally, in what seemed like a weeks drive i arrived at a small cafe in Alaska. I was a little late so i assumed Tanya would already be there. She wasn't. I scanned the little cafe twice and all i could see was a few customers scarfing down food and a waitor chatting up a young blonde girl. Ugh, what a vile piece of work. He vaguely reminded me of Mike Newton.

"Surprise handsome!" Someone whispered in my ear while covering my eyes. My vampire instincts took over and i grabbed my attackers wrists, pulled them forward and held them infront of me. "No need to get rough Edward, i was only kidding. Or did you know it was me and just couldnt resist holding me?" Tanya said while waggling her eyebrows. I instantly let her go and said "Don't be ridiculous!" How did i not hear her thoughts! I seriously need to stop being so distracted. Hmm, distracted. My pathetic excuse that i gave Bella.

"Edwarddddd, oh Eddieeee" Tanya taunted, waving a hand infront of my face.

"Do _not_ call me that! Can we just go already i'm really not in the mood for small talk" I growled already starting to get impatient with her flitacious ways.

"Oooo, someone has their panties in a twist" She giggled while leading the way out. We started at a human pace until we reached the edge of the trees, where we took of into a full speed run. I would pick my car up later. I have to admit it was a good release to hunt after my morning of painful reminiscing. I caught two mountain lions; my favourite. Tanya wasn't in the mood to hunt so she just wacthed which i found quite uncomfortable. After i finished i followed Tanya, to my temporary home.

"So what's up with you lately Edward?" Tanya asked while she purposefully walked slowly. Clearly Alice had prompted her that i wasn't my usual self.

"I have no idea what you mean" I said in a completely innocent voice. Ha. See what she makes of that.

"Oh c'mon, _i_ can even tell there's something wrong. Not one Cullen would give me the gossip, not even _Alice_! Spill." Obviously i wasn't so convincing.

"Please Tanya i really don't want to talk about this, all i want to do is get back and relax. I had a really long drive." I said, speeding up a tiny amount so she wouldn't notice.

_Edward if you don't tell me whats wrong with you i will strip you of all your clothes and leave you here! _

I couldn't argue with that! It happened to Emmett the last time he got on the bad side of Tanya. It was funny to me at the time but it wasn't something i was willing to go through. "Fine! Fine, fine, fine ,fine! Are you happy know that i'm going to tell you? That's all i need, another person telling me what to do! Great." Where did that come? Of course my words were true, but completly unnecessary to shout at Tanya. I dropped to floor and put my hands in my head.

"I'm sorry Edward, i didn't mean to push you, i was just curious. I know you find me irritating, but i honestly do care about you. I have known you for what, 100 years, and i know you enough to know there is something deeply hurting you. If you want to tell me i'm happy to listen but if not, that's fine too" She said offering a hand to help me up. An unnecassary gesture but a kind one which i took. Wow. I never thought Tanya could be so deep.

"I care about you too Tanya, your practically family! And im sorry for saying that. It was rude. It's just everything is just so screwed up!" I said pinching the bridge of my nose in fustration. I don't normally use such language infront of a woman, but at the moment i simply couldn't care less.

"It's Ok Edward take your time." She said.

I took a deep breath and sat down on a tree stump. "It all started when we lived in Forks, we were there for a few years as you know. Almost 2 years ago now i fell in love. I finally felt complete, whole. She was my entire life. Her name was Bella; Bella Swan. At first it was great, having someone in on my secret. Being able to share everything with her. She even loved me back, a love i didnt deserve for one she was always on the brink of danger seeing as she was human. At one point she nearly died from a vampire attack! I hated myself for months for putting her in that position, to nearly see the life go out of her eyes forever. And then, she cut her hand infront of everyone at our house and Jasper couldn't be helped. Not that i blame Jasper for any of this! No, never. I was to blame for _everything_. So i left, taking everyone and everything away from her that would remind her of us,so she could forget all of us and live a happy normal life. It was too much of a risk for us to be around. It killed me to leave, but i did it for her." I looked up to see Tanya crying. She rushed over to me a grabbed me into a tight hug.

"Oh goodness Edward! I am _so_ sorry. My heart bleeds for you, truly it does. If there is anything i can do to help, i'm here for you." She said with great sincerity in her eyes. I was touched.

"Thankyou Tanya, you don't know how good that it is to hear" I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Oh god i hope she didn't take that the wrong way. She stepped back and gestured to follow. Thank heavens!

We started walking home and this time i was happy to. We talked about how everyone was, how everyone else was coping with our sudden departure from Forks. Soon enough the tough questions came.

"Couldn't you just go back, i mean don't take this the wrong way i completely understand why you left, but maybe you could just change her and then she wouldn't be in danger" Tanya suggested. I found it very difficult not to growl at her but i reigned my anger in.

"No. I would never take away her life. Ever." I said, we were nearly home now, which i was glad of.

"Sorry, i get it. No more questions" She giggled and i had to join in. "Oh i nearly forgot, we have a new family member!" She squei led. Yes, i remember Alice informing me about their guest but i wasn't really paying attention.

"Oh i know, I think Alice told me about a newborn staying with you, is she in control?" From Jaspers thoughts i new quite a bit about new borns. How crazed and blood-thirsty they could be.

"Actually, she never had a problem with any of that!" i raised my eyebrows at her, she chuckled. "I know, i was surprised too, we found her upset and homeless so we welcomed her with open arms. She fit in wonderfully. We're basically best friends!" She announced with joy. Well, this should be interesting, Tanya doesn't normally get on with new faces.

"Well, tell me more about this new friend, i don't even know her name." I asked.

"Oh yeah her name is Jessica Stanley but we just call her Jess" ....................................... What? _Jessica Stanley_! Was this a joke. How? What? When? I needed answers! Now.

"Tanya where did you find her!? How was she changed? When?" I blurted out all at once. I was so confsed.

"Woah there. One question at a time! She was on her own in that cafe we were in before and she doens't like to talk about her past. She had a really tough time. Please be sensitive around her. I love her as a sister and don't want to see her hurt anymore. Jess went through a really tough time before she was changed. Long story short her heart was ripped out a stomped on a thousand different ways. If i ever see that digusting Mike ever i swear i will tear his head off and eat it myself!" This story just doesn't make sense! The only Mike Jessica new was Mike Newton for crying out loud. Last time i heard they were happily together. And what could Mike have done to make Tanya react that harshly. We were home now just walking up the back porch steps and that's when it hit me.

The most beautiful, sweet, gorgeous and strangely familiar but new smell i had ever smelt. My whole body relaxed and i felt _whole_? But wait. The only scent that has ever mad me feel this way was... No. This was Stupid. It couldn't be could it? The scent was everywhere but was becoming stronger by the second. I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs at the front of the stairs. I ran straight to the now open door to see an angel stood right before me...

"Bella?" The angel looked up and said in a ring of beautiful bells "Edward"

**Sorry i took soooo long to update again itsmjust that i started year 10 this year and coursework and homework is horrible. There is A LOT! Well i'm not really sure if anyone is still reading this but if you are please review!!! I love to hear them :) the more reviews i get the quicker i will write. I'm actually really looking forward to writing the next several chapters .. all the comfrontations!! My next chapter is going to be in Tanya's pov so :) Hope you like my story and REVIEW!!! please x**


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

Tanya POV

Bella?! Wait, wasn't she... Why is Jess looking at Edward like that? Well, he is unbelievabally gorgeous but you don't see me drooling over him like that! "Jess!" Carmen shouted and ran to her side. All of a sudden Edward flew against the wall. But that didn't stop him, he went straight threw and into the next room, crashing into Kate's huge china set!

"Jessica you need to calm the _heck_ down..........NOW!" I screamed at her. It was the weirdest thing i have ever seen: Jess's body was twisting and shaking in every other direction. I'd never seen her react this way because of _anger_?! Her eyes had rolled back into her head and she was hyperventalating! I didn't even know that was possible for a vampire. "Jess, breath. In and out, in and out" Eleazar had joined us hearing all the commotion. What is goi--

"Tanya!! What the _HELL _is going on here! Why can't i get down, i need to help Bella!" Edward yelled. "Bella, are you okay! Oh god please someone hel-"

Everything stopped. No one dared to speak. No one dared to move. It was almost if we couldn't. There was something glowing around Jess. If any humans were around they would have been blinded by the sight. It was getting bigger and bigger until it was completely sorrounding her. All of us, except for Edward, was pushed gently to window and pressed up against it. Jess's eyes were closed like she was sleeping but the pain on her face was clear. Her body was still but she had small whimpers escaping her lips. I turned my head to see Edward crying tearlessly. He had the most heartbreaking expression. "Bella, please tell me what's happening i want to help" He whispered. I could almost hear the cloggs turning in my head. Everything suddenly made sense. _Bella_, the girl who Edward left to protect her. _Mike_, the vampire that hurt my best friend so much she was unreparable. _Edward_ is _Mike_! _Jess_ is _Bella_! But why would Jess lie to me? Or is it Bella, or is it Jess? Oh my god im so confused.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" Jess let out a scream that would make anyone's blood curdle. The orb blew up and sent everyone flying out the window. There were tiny pieces of glass everywhere. The whole living room was scattered across our lawn. Carmen was hugging Eleazar on the floor crying and Kate was brushing off and by the looks of it ready to rip someones head off with her teeth. "What was that about!" Kate said walking over to Jess,getting ready to beat the crap out of her.

"No wait! it wasn't her fault it was Edwards...." I trailed off. Where was Edward? I scanned the forest but still couldn't find him.

"Edward!" I yelled out. Oh God. She wouldn't have killed him would she? Not that i blame her the heartless idiot! How could he do that to her? And to think i was feeling sorry for him no less than an hour ago! I needed to help Jess. Bella, i corrected myself mentally.

"What do you mean it was Edwards fault all he did was stand their and she blew half the house down!" Kate was really starting to get irratated. I walked over to Bella and put a hand on her shoulder. She recoiled.

"Bella" i said. She instantly looked up with appologetic eyes. "It's ok, i'm not upset. I just want to be here for you" I took her hand.

"It will be if i never existed. Distractions. He doesn't love me" She kept saying over and over. If i had a heart it would brake at that very moment. That unimaginable bas...

"Bella?" I heard from a very large distance. A couple of seconds later Edward came running out of the forest his eyes directly on Bella. No. She might react the same way. And no way does he deserve to come near her yet!

"Edward stay away from her!" I said pushing him back with all my strength.

"What! Stay out of it Tanya, i need to help Bella. i lo-"

"No, don't you _dare_ say that! Just leave her alone!" I said whilst signaling to Kate to shock him. It didn't work. Kate's legs just holted to a stop.

"Jess! Let me go!" She screamed at her. Jess was was holding her back? Damn it! _Bella_ was holding her back? Bella was protecting him after everything he has done? You would think she would want Edward to suffer! She stood up, turned to face me and said "I have to go. I'm sorry i can't handle this." And then she was gone, just like that. My friend was in the worst pain possible and i didn't know when i was going to see her again. It's all Edwards fault!

"No Bella wait!" Edward said whilst starting to run after her. All four of us grabbed him and pinned him down. Even now at times like this i noticed how great my family was. We backed each other up even when we had no idea what the hell was going on.

"Get off me!" Edward growled and wrestled with no avail.

"Edward no! You are _not_ hurting my friend anymore!" I said standing up and letting him go. He stood up and didn't even bother trying to run for it. I was at front and my whole family was circling him so he couldn't get away.

"Why are you doing this Tanya, don't you get it? That's Bella! The girl i love, i need to go help her!" He said angrily.

"Love? Like _hell_ you love her. Don't _you_ get it Edward? _That_..." I said, pointing to the half-wrecked house, "is the pain you caused Bella. _That_ is how much you wrecked her life. _That_ is how much you screwed up your one chance at happiness and may have even destroyed Bella! You had the chance to spend forever with Bella, but instead you turned everything to _shit_! What were you _thinking_!"

He staggered back at the truth of my rant. "I did it for her. I wanted her to be safe" He said in a voice no louder than a whisper.

"_Safe_? She's a vampire for crying out loud! Oh. But i guess you didn't think about that did you? Apparently it was _your_ enemy leftovers that turned her! What was her name... err... Victoria!"

Edward's skin went even whiter. His nostrils began to flare and his hands clawed up. "Victoria?" He hissed while starting to shake with rolls of anger.

"Yeah, i guess your little plan to 'save' her didn't help. Instead you tore her heart out, stomped on it and threw it in the gutters. I can't believe i felt sorry for you!" I screamed remembering our talk this afternoon. "How dare you make it look like you were the loving one who left for her own good, when all you really did was break that poor girls heart!"

"Do you even know the effect this had on her? How hard it is going to be for her to be happy again. Everything she does is tainted by the pain you caused her. She grips her torso to hold herself together when anything reminds her of you. Every night she still goes to bed like a human and cries all night, whimpering the same things over and over. I don't even understand them but i've pretty good feeling its what you told her. 'It will be as if i never existed, Distractions, You don't love me?'. Any of this ring a bell Edward?"

"Tehy were all lies. I just wanted her to have a normal life Tanya! You cant blame me trying to do what was best for her. Now let me go, i need to tell her how i feel!" he said, and i think he was calculating the chance of him getting through us.

"What are you going to say Edward? That you did it for her? You didn't mean it? That should go down well... _Oh i'm sorry bella for ruining your life because i was to stupid to take in account what you wanted. And by the way i never stopped loving you, i just said that so i could leave_. I can't wait to see how she reacts to that!" Did he really think he could just tell her he loved her and everything would be ok?

"Please Tanya, let me go to her. I know it doesn't look like it but she needs me. If one things for sure i know her alot better than you do." He pleaded. He was right. He did know her alot better than me. But what if he hurts her more? "Tanya, please" he whispered. His eyes were so full of sorrow and... Love?

"How can i be sure you love her Edward? How do i know you won't just get bored of her. It could easily happen." I said

"That would never happen." He said in a calm but menacing voice, "You clearly don't know Bella if you think that is even a possability. How could anyone get bored of her? She is the most beautiful, caring, interesting, clever, unpredictable girl i have ever met! And thats just the start. Before Bella i was dead inside, there was always a hole in my life, I could never put a finger on it. Then she came along and completely turned it upside down. And i am so grateful for everything she has done for me. She has changed me in every way possible. She is my whole life and i will _not_ let you or _anyone_ else get in my with her. I left her once and i am will _never _do that again!"

"Tanya, maybe you should let him go. I have no idea what the hell is going on but, have you ever seen Edward like this? He hasn't set eyes on any vampire _or_ human before and now he's declaring his love for Jess, i mean Bella. Maybe he does love her. Everyone makes mistakes." Carmen chipped in. She made sense. Edward hasn't showed the slightest interest in anyone since he was created. Not even me!

_If you hurt my friend anymore. I will hunt you down, kill you, then bring you back to life so you can eat your own corpse. _I told him through my thoughts.

"Thankyou" He said with a quick smile and ran off in the direction Bella went. For her sake, I hope he can't find her.

**Ok i apologise now if you really hate this chapter, because i do. I was really hoping for a dramatic chapter where Edward gets told! But then iwas like what is bella going to say to him then? So im sorry if you don't like t :( please review xxxx love to hear what you think!**


End file.
